Monday, July 9, 2012

far from perfect, but in love anyways

I was just going to post these pictures with a little blurb about how much I love my life.  But, I feel like as long as the baby is resting, I should put a little disclaimer, so here it goes:

I haven't always loved my life and my life, sure as hell, hasn't always been lovable.  So, I don't want my life to come off to you in only bits and pieces of good and you think that is all there is.  
But that being said, I am proud of my life today.  I have worked very hard emotionally and physically to get to this point.  I have had a string of loser boyfriends. I have had a failed marriage.  I have battled problems with low self-esteem which caused bouts of self-destruction. I have partied too hard and not at all.  I have been deserted by friends and unsupported by family because of decisions that I made.  
I have cried because I've been poor, lonely and tired.

But, I have gone to therapy.  I have sought help.  I have searched and found things I enjoy (that aren't for anyone else, just for me).  I have learned how to say 'no'.   I gave the nice and seemingly-boring guy a chance and he turned out to be the love of my life (and not boring ... just safe. Ladies! there is a difference!)  I have pushed myself through school graduating with honors (thanks to the learning how to say 'no').  

AND, even with all that, life is not perfect today (although it is more perfect than it's ever been before). I am plagued with postpartum anxiety, I am tired, I constantly feel like I am not enough ... enough mom, enough girlfriend, enough friend... whatever. I am confused on what the future holds and what it should hold.

ok, the baby is awake and needs me now, so I should wrap up.  BUT, hey, have I mentioned that I'm in love with my life today? I'm in love with my boyfriend. I'm in love with my dog.  I'm in love with my son.  I'm in love with being a mother.  and I am always still working on being in love with me.

p.s. If you think you need therapy but can't afford it, I have found help before at the ywca, they work with women on a sliding scale basis.

you want honesty? here is the only family picture we got while out of town.  And it's perfect in all it's imperfections.


  1. So great! Love when people are real. I think most of our stories are like yours in some way or another. I've struggled with the childhood, the getting divorced, the postpartem anxiety (and still do)... This beautiful world of motherhood is so full or broken beautiful people. You're an amazingly interesting person and bravo for loving your life :)

  2. I really love this post. I think it is powerful, and important, to know where people come from and how they got to be where they are now. I too have a really bumpy past; my old self is so different from who I am now that people routinely tell me, honestly, that they don't recognize me. While I don't detail much of my past troubles on my blog, I do occasionally let pieces out because I think it's important for people to see me as I really am--which is human. I am more proud of my successes because of all the failures I had. I pulled myself together and while, as you said, my life isn't perfect, it is pretty darn good and I am grateful for that.

    I love these pictures, love the sentiment, and am just all around happy to have read this tonight. :)

  3. For real, sometimes just finding ONE thing to smile about helps put things in perspective...and really, what IS perfection?

    Anyway, that picture seriously made me smile, so thank you :)

  4. Post related - I definitely know what you mean about the "am i enough" question. its a tough spiral to get out of.
    Non-post related - this shop made me think of y'all :)

  5. omg poor little king of the castle is sad. this looks like an amazingly fun day ! i misssss the beach.

  6. it's nice to be able to relate to someone. Thanks for sharing!

  7. Andrea, I love your blog. I've been haunting it since "We can do it." You are so easy to relate to and this just made me want to say 'thanks.' I go back to work on Friday and have been SO miserable about leaving my beautiful 3 month old boy with total strangers, but this post kind of helped me put it in perspective. Yes, it sucks, but I can look at the good and at least be happy that I have him to miss. And there are always evenings and weekends to spend with him! Yay! Thanks again.

    And your family picture made me laugh. So adorable because it wasn't perfect.

  8. Great post! To me that has been one of the hardest parts about being a new mom. Watching others that seem to have it all together and not understanding why I don't?? But I guess that's the thing, we are only seeing things from the outside, everyone has their own personal struggles. Life takes work! Also, I love love love your family photo, perfectly imperfect. We just took a mini family vaca and didn't even manage to get a family photo :(

  9. I love this post Andrea! I love your honesty. I love that your life right now is the best it's been. I love that the winding road has lead you to here and made you who you are today: lovely. And I stinking love love that hilarious family picture!!!!