Thursday, April 10, 2014

a mother's quarterly review

Where's my quarterly review? I know to some it mind sound silly, but I think this 'mothering' occupation would be much easier if we had bosses.  I personally thrive on positive reinforcement and constructive criticism, which is something we get absolutely none of in this business.  Sometimes even when you do everything right: you're cheerful, fun and even manage to sneak in a counting lesson, your toddler still has a melt down in the middle of a parking lot.  Wouldn't it be nice to get the occasional 'hey, you did a really good job with that nap time routine' or 'what a great lunch you made, but you probably didn't need to give him so many crackers'.  How I would love feedback like this.  Instead it's nothing.  All we hear is the screaming coming from our toddlers room telling us they aren't napping yet again and those damn voices in our head. You know the ones, they tell us we aren't good enough or thin enough and why have you still not made one of those diy marble slides out of cardboard boxes yet??? 
I'm not saying a more professional-job-like-setting would eliminate the voices, but it would be a healthy reminder of where you are at.
I mean, we don't even have a job description. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING ALL DAY? Is it just taking care of the kids? or is it housework too? Ideally it would be just the children and John and I would split the housework, right? But, why take away from his quality time with the babies by making him scrub the bathtub?
It would be wonderful to live in a commune, wouldn't it? The responsibility of chores and cooking and child-caring could be shared?  Not to mention you would have other adults to interact with during the day.  There is something quite depressing about going ten hours everyday only talking to people under the age of three.

But it's not a 'job' is it. Not really. We have no title that truly encompasses what we do all day, no job description and no quarterly reviews.  But, we also need to remember that we don't have to 'ask off' in the evenings, our partners are not hired babysitters and if yours is like mine, he is more than willing to share the load as long as I communicate it with him.
No, it's not a job in the traditional sense. But it's the hardest work anyone has ever done (and I doubt you'd find many who'd argue with that).  Every part of your body, soul and mind have been altered since you had children and every part of you is absolutely drained and refilled multiple times a day.
I love what I do, really. But y'all, I get so tired!
Three cheers for all you stay at home mamas out there! We are doing a great job y'all! (but maybe layoff the crackers) ;)
love, andrea


  1. preach. it.

    so beautifully written!

  2. Lovely honest piece Andrea.
    Parenting is hard yakka (Australian slang for damn hard work)
    You're totally doing an awesome job, my gosh, it's quite subjective too, what our kids actually need and what we think they need can sometimes be quite different!
    I try and tell myself I AM ENOUGH... THIS IS ENOUGH... somedays it's morethan enough. But mothers guilt hey? It can be fierce!
    You're doing great!

  3. It's so true.....
    I actually just went "back to work" last week and it's been extremely tough. My baby is 3 months old and I feel like something really wonderful just started and now I can't be there for it. Just awful. I loved being home with my baby Laina. But there is no description for the amount of amazing responsibility we have as mothers whether we are there all day or not. Funny story about spending 10 hours talking to the littles. We had a friend over last weekend and she really made us remember "adult" talk, which we haven't had for quite some time. my husband put it perfectly and said: Dianna is speaking baby babble all day, I'm by myself in my head delivering the mail and at night when we are finally together, we fall asleep on the couch!
    You are going a great job!